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The festival is already well underway by the time Balthier and I arrive, and as he predicted there is a lot of dancing going on. I had rather hoped that I would not have to dance with him, as not only is it likely to invite unwelcome assumptions from people (namely Basch, who I have already upset today), but I also doubt that a man whose livelihood mainly consists of theft, looting and fiddling with airship engines is going to be a particularly good dancer as well. Being royalty, I myself have been taught from a young age; although I’ve not danced in a long time I expect the steps will come naturally to me. As the musicians start up a traditional tune, Balthier bows to me and presents me with his hand; he is at least familiar with the customs of Dalmascan dance, ‘Would the lady care for a dance?’ he asks, and although his head is bowed I can tell he wears his signature grin, because having bullied me into it earlier today he knows I cannot refuse his offer. I place my hand gracefully in his and we step into the music, I shift my weight anxiously as he places his arm lightly round my waist, and giving me a private smile, we begin with a simple step, I wait in dread for one of us to make a mistake. I cannot remember as well as I might have supposed and expect we will both end up looking like fools, but he appears to know what he is doing and leads me smoothly across the floor, then suddenly between steps he raises his hand and spins me delicately under his arm, next he gently tips me down and bounces me back; hecan actually dance, I realize, and soon under his guidance I feel the familiar routines coming back to me. (Like many old habits, despite how sure you are you’ve forgotten, you will undoubtedly come across again it at one time or another, and if you’re lucky enough it’ll be in the arms of a dashing sky pirate) As I gain confidence I wonder just howwell he thinks he can dance and switch to a more complicated step, but he’s too fast for that and follows me perfectly, ‘So you really want to dance then?’ He whispers ‘Let me show you how it’s done,’ and when the next song begins he sweeps me quite literally off my feet, I try to trip him up as he turns me round repeatedly, deliberately making me dizzy, so our dance escalates into a silly competition of trying to outdo and/or sabotage one another and this contest becomes progressively more complex and impressive, inviting the attention of a few spectators as he picks me up off my feet, then pretends to drop me, grabbing my hand just before I hit the floor; as he whips me back up I lightly slap his face with my free hand for nearly letting me fall; in reply he spins me into his arms then quickly grabs my face with one hand and brushes his lips briefly against mine, to fast for anyone else to notice, but enough for me to inhale his intoxicating aroma and feel the softness of his skin, I slap him again playfully for being presumptuous, and we continue dancing. When the music (and our childish competition) finally ends, neither of us has missed a beat, but we are exhausted and gasping for air, ‘Where…did you…learn…?’ I rasp; he is bent over breathless with his hands resting heavily on his knees, ‘Where did you learn to dance?’ I ask, but he hasn’t the air to answer me, instead we stagger to a table, with a very wide-eyed Vaan and Penelo sat at it, ‘That was amazing! Where did you guys learn to dance like that!’ Vaan gushes, and Penelo gives him a dig in the ribs with her elbow, ‘See Vaan, why can’t you dance like that’ she asks him, ‘Hey,’ he says, ‘if you want to dance why don’t you ask Balthier, because I’m not dong it,’ for some reason the idea of Penelo dancing with him annoys me, ‘I’m afraid that will not be possible Vaan’ he answers, ‘as her Highness appears to have worn me out’ he says, giving Penelo an apologetic look, then giving me one suggesting he’s not as sorry as he seems, ‘Where’s Larsa?’ I ask, keen to change the subject away from dancing, and more specifically Balthier’s partners in it, ‘Gone to bed already,’ from Vaan’s short answer I assume he did not take to the party very well, and I pity him, he is so young to be so old. ‘Well I don’t see why the rest of us can’t enjoy the party,’ says Balthier, getting up decisively; I see him grasp the table to steady himself as he stands, his knuckles turning white with the strain of supporting his fatigued body. He sits again reluctantly when gets a little lightheaded, and can find no real reason to have stood up in the first place. As the party progresses there is more dancing and singing, ale is passed round and drunk, Vaan gets rather intoxicated and Penelo runs about after him, trying to keep him out of trouble and on his feet. I drink, but two years with the weathered men in the resistance did a lot to raise my tolerance of liquor; in many places I stayed the ale was the only thing safe enough to be drunk, and this pond water is so weak that it has little effect on me or Balthier (another seasoned drinker, no doubt) We sit uninterestedly gazing into the distance as a result, ‘Princess you seem bored,’ he announces, not adding that he also looks perpetually jaded ‘would you care for some entertainment?’ ‘No I am…’ I stop when I see him produce a ring in his right hand, my ring; it glimmers in the firelight as he rolls it between his thumb and forefinger, is this taunting supposed to be entertainment? ‘Watch it carefully,’ he says, which I do, giving him a venomous look. Although it would appear I am not watching carefully enough, because the ring vanishes from between his fingers. I look confusingly at his hands when, with a practiced flourish he produces it in the left, ‘Common trickery’ I comment haughtily, ‘any court jester can perform a magik trick’, ‘Very well then,’ he confidently replies, ‘take it’ he takes his hand and holds it above mine, and I think he is going to return it, turning over my hand hopefully, but when he opens his fingers theatrically and nothing falls onto my palm, I realize he has deceived me again. I clench my hand into a fist, angry at the way he is playing me, ‘Balthier this is not funny!’ I spit, trying to ignore the fact that my eyes are beginning to water, ‘But Princess,’ he softly says, ‘you had it all along’ he takes my other hand and turns over my palm, and strokes his across it, I see it sat in the center of my palm when his hand moves away, and he closes my fingers around the band of gold. But when I snatch my fist back and open my hand, I find it empty, and I see my ring sparkle on his finger, unsure if he ever removed it in the first place. I feel my eyes sting with tears, resenting him for toying with me like this and for knowingly hitting my weakest spot. I’m unwilling to let him see he’s made me cry,soI stand up from the table and run from the camp, from him. ‘Ashe!’ I hear him call out in surprise, his footsteps follow mine and I start to run, but he is faster than I am and catches me, grabbing my shoulders from behind and turning my body round into his, encircling me with an arm and placing a hand on the back of my head. I press my face into his shoulder as tremors shake my body, ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry’ he whispers, ‘You…shouldn’t…lead…people…on’ I cry between sobs, ‘I’m sorry…’ he mumbles, sounding truly repentant, ‘it was a cruel trick to play, I shouldn’t have done it.’ I calm down, and stop sobbing; I think I have recovered enough to return to the crowd, when he suddenly adds with a grimace ‘but seeing as you’re already upset I have something to tell you,’ ‘What?’ I can’t imagine what he might want to tell me, and why he would choose to do it now of all times, but he holds me firmly by the shoulders and looks me straight in the eye, ‘In the Golmore jungle…’ he says in a quiet voice, ‘ I caused your apparition.’ He speaks clearly and without hesitation, I suspect he’s been planning this speech for some time, ‘You…’ I cannot think how he could have caused them, but he doesn’t stop there, ‘Remember the flower I gave you?’ I remember the ugly thing, ‘I gave it to you on purpose, knowing that it would cause hallucinations.’ It seems so obvious now! Within minutes of being given that plant I had begun to see things, I feel brainless for not realizing it earlier, but am suddenly horrified by the thought that he gave it to me on purpose, ‘Wh…?’ I gasp, ‘Don’t ask me why I did it’ he hurriedly breaks in, ‘because I honestly haven’t a clue, it was a…a…’ he holds out a hand as if he could pick the lost words out of thin air, which apparently he can, as snapping his fingers he says ‘it was a spur of the moment thing’ looking me helplessly in the eyes I feel his arm loosen around me, and I am so shocked I can barely believe him. However it’s why he is telling me, rather than why he did it that confuses me the most, because he is a man who tends towards impulsive actions, but isn’t renowned for his honesty, why would he choose to… ‘Why are you telling me this?’ I ask him, and his gaze drops ashamedly as he replies, ‘The longer I went without telling you, the worse it was going to get when you found out,’ he makes a point of not meeting my eyes, looking anywhere but directly at them ‘and I thought I’d take my chances now, lest I’d lose you for it you later on’ he explains, I see the scratch on his face by the pale moonlight, he must follow my eye line, because he says ‘yes, it caused that too’, meaning both the kissing and the cutting, ‘You…!’ What he did suddenly hits me, and I try curse him but the words elude me, I smash my fists into his chest, and tears burn in my eyes again, ‘how…how could…you…why!?’ I feel so betrayed; I was close to putting my trust in him, then he tells me this! I prepare to hit him again, but he grabs hold of my hands before they can strike, and lowers them down to my sides, he wipes away a tear rolling down my cheek with the back of his fingers, and touches it against his mouth quickly. He steps away and sits down facing me as I slowly sink to my knees, feeling the cool earth under my palms. But the ground brings no comfort to me, nothing even comparable to the comfort of his breath on my neck, or arms around my own, where they should be now, instead of by his sides as he sits opposite me, ‘I’m sorry Ashe,’ he sounds so sincere that it breaks my heart to hear him talk like it, ‘Bal…’ I choke as I start to cry anew, ‘Balthier’ I manage, feeling his eyes fix on the top of my head, ‘did…you?’ I feel a tear fall from my eyelashes onto the ground, ‘did…you…say?’ I stop and I catch my breath, then struggle on, ‘did you say you didn’t want to lose me?’ ‘Yes…I did didn’t I?’ He mutters to himself more than to me. We stay where we are, I weep and he sits there, both of us feeling the undeniable shift of the situation. Eventually he comes over and takes my hands, which are dug into the dark earth, ‘you will catch a cold if you stay out here like this’ he says gently, pulling me to my feet, I allow myself to be lead by him for a second time this evening, I have no will to fight and simply follow as he guides me to an empty tent near the outskirts of the refugee settlement, and he sits me down on the bed where I sit shivering; more from grief than cold. He fiddles with a disused gas lamp, eventually persuading it to burn and give us some light, casting airy patterns onto the canvass walls. He take some dried leaves from one of the pouches on his belt and places them in a cup he finds left on the floor, adding water then boiling the solution with magik, he hands the steaming liquid to me, ‘no drugs this time I promise,’ he quips, and I laugh, (I actually laugh,) taking a sip of the remedy. It has a bitter taste, but I feel some strength returning to my body as I drink, ‘You have a very good knowledge of medicines,’ I remark, staring at the leaves in the bottom of my cup, sounding more composed than I actually am, ‘My…’ he stutters, caught off guard by my question, ‘I…knew…a…doctor as a child’ he shiftily says, and I can tell he is not telling me the truth, but I’ve had enough of the truth for tonight, ‘he was the one who taught me some natural medicine, good and bad as you might have guessed’, he continues with a wry smile, I smile back feebly, and he takes it as in invitation, sitting down next to me. I feel exhausted, both physically and emotionally I don’t have any spirit left to fight, especially not with someone I need so badly at the moment, I rest my head on his shoulder and take another sip of the tonic, ‘I forgive you,’ I say in a soft voice; feeling the release that my forgiveness brings, as is often the way of forgiveness, ‘and I…’ ‘That’ he cuts in, ‘is all I needed to hear’ he delicately places his hands on mine, and pulls the nearly empty cup from my fingers then lifts them to his mouth and kisses them softly. Letting them fall, he then places his fingers on the clasp that connects my collar to my top, and with a quiet click he undoes it, folding the two halves of my neck guard over my back and revealing soft skin covered for many nights; as he runs his warm fingers around it and brings his lips down onto the other side in a kiss, I become overwhelmingly aware that there is only one bed in here, I say in a weak attempt at resistance, ‘I think you should go back to your tent now Balthier,’ ‘This is my tent Ashe’ he slides closer to me on the bed, his leg presses against mine; he trails his hand down my arm, then moves my hand onto his back as he continues to kiss my neckline, his warm lips making it tingle, ‘Then I should go to my tent,’ again I try to protest against this inevitability as he pulls my knees onto his lap, running his hand up my leg, ‘This is your tent,’ he undoes my waistbelt, and it falls onto the floor, my insides twist and flutter as his fingers find the buckle of my belt, ‘Then,’ I try to think of another option, but there is only one, which is screaming me straight in the face as my belt slithers of my hips and onto the floor as if it were alive, ‘then…’ I continue hopelessly, ‘Ashe,’ he interrupts, bringing his mouth away from my neck and up to my own, ‘you can pretend all you like that either one of us is going to leave before tonight, but we’re not. Do you know what we’re going to do instead?’ he asks, brushing a strand of hair out of my eyes, ‘Yes Balthier…I suppose I do.’ I sigh as I give in, not only to him but also myself; and my fingers start to unlace the back of his vest, ‘That’s better,’ he says; and our lips come together as he slips the straps of my top over my shoulders. We sink slowly down; he cradles me in his arms, lowering me down onto the bed and pulling me up into his kiss. But I feel apprehensive, I have never lain with anyone apart from, or since Rassler, and I wriggle nervously as he begins to slide my skirt off my hips, I feel myself flinch as his hands graze my legs, cursing myself for ruining the mood, but he brings his hands away and lightly strokes the side of my face, I open my eyes and they are met by his, large and dark they dance in the lamplight, ‘Ashe, you look beautiful’ he whispers, kissing me tenderly; my worries dissipate as he leaves my skirt for the time being and removes his shirt instead, and then, for the third time this evening, I find myself being lead by Balthier, and as usual he turns out to be talented beyond my previous expectations… ********************************** ‘Ah, you’re awake,’ I say, feeling my fingers itch to touch her, ‘What time is it?’ she mumbles, noticing the shadows of trees swaying on the roof of the tent, ‘Only very early morning’ I tell her, threading her hair through my fingers and making her sigh. ‘You know…we can’t go on like this,’ I say to her quietly, but she doesn’t hear, ‘What was that?’ she asks innocently, ‘We can’t go on like this,’ I repeat, ‘the longer this continues the more likely I am to do something terrible’ I warn her, (which is entirely true). There sit a few chilling seconds where I can hear the wheels spinning in her mind, and her face clouds with rage, ‘You!’ she gasps angrily, sitting up in bed, the covers falling away, and I have to take very large steps to restrain myself as I see her unclothed in the daylight, I shift uncomfortably in the bed, trying to keep my gaze away from her body, and failing miserably at it, ‘You misunderstand me,’ I sit up with her, finding myself dangerously close to her mouth when she obviously is not in the mood for romance, but she has drawn the wrong conclusions and I try to put her straight on the matter, ‘the terrible thing you see, it’s…’ I whisper the rest in her ear, and as soon as I finish the last syllable she turns and kisses me, (which I gladly reciprocate, relieving some of this frustration she’s been building up unintentionally). Then, I feel her hands on either side of my collarbone as she pushes me gently back down onto the bed, her body twisting to follow on top of mine, (relieving the rest of the tension she’d been building up), I am left no choice but to take her roughly in my arms once more, and kiss her like there will be no tomorrow, our bodies pressing closer together with every passing moment, ‘It’s not that early’ I say to her between kisses and gasps for air, ‘we can still get caught,’ ‘We’ll just have to be very quiet then,’ she says, doing something rather unprincesslike; and that keeps me quiet enough. ******************************************** ‘It’s falling in love with you princess.’
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