The spinning finally ceased, Link looked at the ground to steady himself. It seemed farther than it was before. He caught a glimpse of himself in the reflection of his sward.

All: SWARDS! *getting tired of sward fighting*

He was taken back

 Professor G: To the future!
Livy: Gotta go back in tiiiiiime!

. Staring back at him was a young man of 17. He looked down at himself to find he was taller, and more masculine.

Kain: He was just so darn feminine before.
Livy: (As Link) Like, OMG! Those testosterone pills worked!!

He had strawberry blonde hair and intense blue eyes.

Trowa: When did Link's hair change color?

“Young one. Venture out into the field. See the hell that has overtaken this once beautiful land.” The voice came out of nowhere, but it told Link about what he has to do.

Katy: No shit, that was actually explained.  We didn't need to be told.
Professor G: (As the voice): Strip naked and bend over slowly...
Livy: I knew it! That Rauru..

“ I’ll do what I can, but are you sure that I am the person you are looking for?” he asked the unknown voice.

Rowen: (as the Unknown Voice) I'm starting to doubt myself since your intelligence seems so limited.

“ Who are you… talking to? Oh my GOSH!

All: OH MY GOSH!!

Your old… well older! Wow!” Navi cried

Livy: -in sorrow, for even though he looked older, he still had the brain of a demented three-year-old.

. Link explained what he has to do to banish the darkness that slowly creeps across the land.

Kain: Tense switching!

“ Are you sure you can do all that?” she asked

“ I’ve gotten this far haven’t I?” he looked at her questionably

Trowa: Since he really wasn't sure if he HAD gotten that far or not.

and she nodded in response.

“What you need it a horse!”

 Professor G: What you need it some grammar skills!

she cried indicating the young Epona horse that he had befriended when he was younger… a

Katy: When did she indicate Epona?
Rowen: Perhaps through sign language, or an interpretive dance.
Trowa: I'm going to go with the interpretive dance.

nd that was only a few hours ago. He walked out of the Temple of time with his head held high until he found what had become of the town.

Livy: It was overrun by harems and whorehouses!!

The Re-dead overran the town.

Livy: Oh... well... close enough!

The castle was blackened by

Kain: Tar?

soot that flew every which way. He snuck past the Re-dead and ran out the castle gates.

It as late at night and he decided to sleep in the stables at Lon Lon Ranch.

Professor G: And maybe get a little action on the side... it had been so long since he'd seen Talon.

He entered the secluding fence

Rowen: (as Link) God, screw you fence! I wanted to play the reindeer games too!
Trowa: (as Fence) Well, we don't like your red nose!

only to see that the Ranch had also been overrun by Gannondorf’s evil. He decided to check for any sign of his old friend, Malon.

Link walked into the stables and saw her sleeping in too corner.

Katy: In what?
Livy: *tries to sleep in too corner, but finds it physically impossible*

He wondered why she wasn’t in her bed in the house. She stayed huddled up until she heard someone stepping close to her. She grabbed link’s foot and pulled, causing him to fall next to her.

All: YAY! *wave Malon flags*

“ Hey Mal,” he said rubbing the back of his head.

Professor G: His head and butt were connected, so rubbing it made his bum feel better.

“ Who are you?!” she asked with stress in her voice. Link remembered that he hadn’t been to see her in “seven years”.

Rowen: Oh, right "seven years".  Is that what they are calling it these days?

He looked at her hoping she would recognize him. He wouldn’t know what to say if she had asked him where he had been.

“ Fairy boy? Link? Where have you been?” ‘oh crap. What do I say now?’ he asked himself.

Trowa: Why did he just ask himself where he had been?
Kain: I'm just as confused as Malon right now.
Livy: Well, that didn't take long.

“Traveling…” he stated looking down at the floor.

Katy: (as Link) TIME traveling!

“ Traveling.” She stated monotonously. “ You have been traveling while all of this happened? What were you thinking?” she yelled at him,

All: YAY! *wave more Malon flags*

 but he asked her to keep her voice down.

“ I wanted to get away, I had no idea that this would have happened!” he said. “ I just want to go to sleep, truthfully.”

Rowen: And I just want this fic to end, but hey, you don't always get what you want.
Trowa: But you will always get what you need.
Professor G: (As Link) Sneaking into random people's barns and sleeping is so much fun! Hyuck!

“ Sleep in your own house! It’s still there!” she shouted,

Katy: Link has his own house?  And she knows about it?

still angry that he wasn’t there to protect her from Ingo.

“ Please Mal, Just this once. Besides, I need a horse. So why not stay here and buy one in the morning?” he asked her as-a-matter-of-factly.

Kain: How do you ask something matter-of-factly?

“ Because, I don’t own the ranch anymore. Ingo does, and he doesn’t sell the horses. But I’m sure you could bet on something and get one.”

Rowen: Malon has ESP!

She said. She Looked up to find pleading eyes looking down at her

Trowa: (as Pleading Eyes) Hello.
Katy: (as Malon) Who are you?
Trowa: (as Pleading Eyes) I'm a Native American, of course.
Rowen: Wait- I thought Link was on the floor?  Because she tripped him?
Kain: Perhaps the world has inverted.  There was that pesky problem with the axis.
Livy: Those eyes in the ceiling sure did get annoying sometimes.

. Malon Rolled her eyes and sighed

“ Fine, you can stay here, but you have to sleep on the other side of the barn, or better yet, in the shed!” she said nervously.

Katy: She is afraid of the SEX0RS.

Link got up and walked to the other side of the barn and lay down on a pile of hay. He never liked the smell of the barn; it always smelled like, well, horse crap.

All: LIKE THIS FIC!

He looked around the barn. It was still the same, but he couldn’t find the red horse he wanted to buy.

He soon drifted into sleep and his thoughts escaped him.

Professor G: Even they couldn't take the stupidity of this fic anymore, and had decided to bail while they still could.

That night he had dreams of what happened the day before. He had been through a lot, and now he was all of a sudden an adult. He didn’t know if he could handle it. ‘Wait,’ He suddenly woke up. ‘ How could I grow up, if I am a Kakori?’ he asked himself.

Livy: Well duh, Kakori's have always been able to grow up! It's the Kokiri's that stay young forever.

He shook the idea out of his head

Rowen: (as Link) Shoo!

and saw that malon was already awake and cleaning the barn.

Link finally struck a bargain with Ingo, and got the horse he had been looking for.

Professor G: Apparently, all the events surrounding this exchange were not important enough to include.
Kain: They never are.

Once he got it, however, Ingo closed off the gates, sealing him within the once lovely ranch. Epona just started to gallop toward one of the gates. Link thought she was insane

Trowa: (as Link) Why do I always get the insane horse?
Livy: Unfortunately for Link, but fortunately for us, Epona took this opportunity to throw him off onto some recently sharpened pitchforks.
Kain: It was the good sort of insane, after all.

, but seeing that she could jump higher than most horses, so he let her take control.

Before he knew it, they were out of the ranch, and perfectly fine. He looked toward the forest. Link prayed that the forest wasn’t covered in shadow.

Professor G: The entire sky of the forest was already black and cloudy, but Link, being as unobservant and moronic as he already is in this fic, didn't notice it.

He couldn’t imagine it. Everyone in peril.

Katy: Fragment sentences.
Rowen: In peril.

Saria. Saria, he thought about her, she would still be a child, she might be in trouble.

He looked down at himself. Had seven years really passed in a blink of an eye? Link hadn’t realized that since he had passed the years, he had disappeared from the world for seven years.

Kain: Didn't he just think about the "seven years" above?

 All of his friends had to suffer while he was undergoing the transformation.

He trotted Epona toward the woods, soon discovering that she wouldn’t set foot out of the boundaries of the field

Rowen: Haha those in-game glitches translate well to fanfiction.  Oh, wait, NOT.

. Link slid off of he back

Katy: WHAT?!

 and slowly walked into the forest…his home. He slowly crossed the bridge, praying it wouldn’t snap from the years.

Trowa: (as bridge) The years... are... too... HEAVY!!
Livy: Sure, it's been seven years, but I'm pretty sure that Kokiri forest had been around for a long time before Link came, and that the bridge had been fine for hundreds of years before as well.
Katy: You are trying to impose far too much logic into this fic.

Link slowly came to a halt and gazed around the peaceful and hazy atmosphere. He was glad that the Lost Woods hadn’t changed. It set high hopes

Kain: (as Lost Woods) *singing* I've got HIGH HOPES, I've got HIGH HOPES!

 that the forest might be the same.

He looked ahead and strained his eyes trying to see into the forest before entering. Link took a deep breath and entered the mists that lead to the forest. He looked around and his heart dropped.

Rowen: It was, after all, still heavy and swollen.

The forest, his home, had been overrun with terrible monsters.

Katy: As opposed to the nice ones.
Kain: They could have been Digimon.

They all had twisted and deformed faces. Some lashed out at him, only to get sliced in half.

Trowa: Wow, those are SOME faces!
Professor G: They were the infamous self-mutilating monsters!

 Though there was no point in killing the horrible beasts, for they just grew back.

Link soon wandered over to a house that seemed to have some normal life in it. He lightly tapped his knuckles on the door and waited for a response. He heard footsteps step up to the door

Livy: - and do a little jig.
Professor G: Dance, footsteps, dance!

and a peephole opened at the top of the door.

Katy: How many times did she say "door" in that sentence?

A girl’s face could be seen.

“What do you want?” she asked harshly. Link soon

Rowen: But not soon enough!

recognized her as

Livy - one of the hookers he'd bagged last night at Lon Lon Ranch.

one of the triplets.

“ I can help! Let me speak to Saria!” he half shouted. The girl withdrew a little startled by his voice.

“S-S-S- Saria is gone. She went into the lost woods to try and find a way to stop the monsters…” she stuttered at first, but regained confidence.

Katy: You know, we can SEE that she is stuttering by the amazing repetition of the S.
Kain: Maybe everyone will turn into snakes again!
Trowa: You know, I'm glad I missed that one.

“ You let HER into the LOST WOODS?!”

Professor G: Because SHE only went into the LOST WOODS all the time before!

 he shouted, fear was starting to build.

Rowen: What?
Kain: Apparantly fear was starting to build.
Rowen: Build what?
Kain: An army or something, I'd wager.

“ Y-Yes, b-but I t-tried t-to s-stop h-her!” she said shakily.

“ FINE what ever,

Katy: (as Valley Girl) WhatEVER.

 I am going into the forest, I will come back with Saria.” He shouted

Trowa: Why on earth does he keep shouting?
Kain: Maybe it's the deaf triplet.

and turned toward the forest. He stopped and decided to pray at the base of where the Deku tree once stood.

So? How do you like it? It’s shaping up nicely, my plan is going perfectly rubs hands together and plasters an evil grin on Please review!

Kain: Yikes, was that supposed to all be together?
Rowen: Probably.
Livy: ...what?
Professor G: This fic is so horrible vomits profusely and plasters himself to a wall Please kill me now!

 I won’t continue until I have 5 reviews!

Katy: Well, at least she's setting her sights low.
Trowa: Unfortunately, not low enough.

Unless you know

can’t wait… yeah