Katy: I'm sick. *headdesk* I hate working.
Trowa: But last time you said you were so excited to make money to buy more video games.
Katy: Damn. This is true. But it doesn't mean that I like it!
Rowen: Question.
Katy: Answer.
Rowen: Did you get a new job that I am unaware of?
Katy: *blinks* No. Why? Did I get a check in the mail?? Did I win the lottery??
Rowen: Erm.... no. I think... you might have lost.
Trowa: Oh, shit.
Katy: NOT NOW!!!
*badfic comes crashing down*
*restraints flip up, trapping them*
*two other chairs spin upwards from the ground, holding struggling figures*
Katy: Dammit. -_-;;;;
Jamie: Hey guys, sorry we haven't met before. I'm Jamie.
Balthier: *hungover* Wha...why am I here?
Jamie: Oh, and that's Balthier. I thought he'd enjoy this.
Balthier: Say, who's the hottie?
Jamie: Katy can HEAR you, Balthier.
Balthier: I know, alright, so where's this story?
Katy: *google-eyed* .... whaaaa...?
Trowa: *snort*
Rowen: HEY! Stop oogling my girlfriend.
Katy: *hearts in eyes*
Rowen: *grumbling* God dammit.
Trowa: We have fic in-coming!
Title: Trapped
Pairings: Balthier/Ashe Fran/Basch
Rating: NC-17
All: OH, FUCK.
Warnings: Stron
Rowen: Is that like Tron? Only his evil twin or something?
sexual content, Language
Spoilers: Minor spoilers from Sochen Cave Palace
Disclaimer: I do not own he characters, places, situations mentioned.
Summery: Tresure hunting
Katy: Oh, Jesus Christ. *headdesk*
Rowen: You KNOW it’s gonna be good when they misspell something in the summERY.
, gambling and Baltier feeling lucky.
Jamie: Summery? As opposed to springy?
Balthier: I'm more offended at the misspelling of my name. It's not so very difficult, now is it?
Jamie: I don't know about you, Balthier, but I actually *do* own he characters. And she characters as well.
Balthier: Now you're just being petty.
Trowa: But she does petty so well….
Ashe stood in the Sochen Cave Palace watching Vaan study a sign he had found hidden on some rubble,
Trowa: Wait, ON the rubble?
Rowen: Then how was it hidden?
he looked at the sign then at the old map of the Sochen Cave Palace they had found, then back at the sign again. Vaan had been pondering over that sign and old map for over half an hour and Ashe was starting to get frustrated she just wanted to get out
Katy: Waaaaah run-on sentences!! *struggles against restraints*
of this room and its blasted waterfalls and continue with their journey, what with being so close to Archades.
Trowa: What with being so retarded, as well.
Balthier: Point of contention!
Jamie: Yes?
Balthier: Why is Vaan in charge?
Jamie: Wow, I have no idea.
Balthier: Convenient to find a rubble-hidden sign, no?
Jamie: Gosh, this is just the first paragraph….
Ashe looked at Basch who was sitting with Fran quietly talking while he sharpened his sword. Ashe had noticed how those two were spending more and more time together,
Katy: How terribly convenient.
Rowen: You KNOW it's porn when people are ever so conveniently paired up.
it had seemed to Ashe that Fran now seemed to spend more time with Basch then she did with Balthier.
Balthier: That dirty skank!
Jamie: Balthier! Be nice to Fran!
Balthier: Come now, this is not MY Fran, thanks very much.
Jamie: I suppose not.
Balthier: Ashe certainly is a nosy little busybody.
Trowa: Aren't they all traveling together? Then how in God's green
Earth do you spend more time with one person?
Ashe looked at Balthier who was sitting casually on a rock also looking at Fran and Basch, he then turned his head and looked at Ashe, he smirked then rolled his eyes at the viera and knight who were obviously becoming fond of each other.
Katy: Head... going... to... explode...
Rowen: We aren't even 3 paragraphs in yet!
Ashe sighed and turned her attention back to Vaan.
Jamie: I'm always sitting casually on rocks. Can't think of any other way to do it.
Balthier: You could sit cautiously on a rock. That might be wise if it's a pokey rock.
Katy: You only wish it was poking you in the….
Rowen: OKAY.
Trowa: Usually Ro’s the one with the inappropriate comments…
"Well, have you discovered anything, is this sign of any importance to us or not?" asked Ashe.
"Well, yes and no," answered Vaan, "I don't think it's going to bother us
All: What?
getting to Archades but…"
Balthier: Especially since I used to live there, thus eliminating the need for maps, compasses and conveniently placed signs. WHY IS HE IN CHARGE?
Jamie: It's alright, hon. Just think happy thoughts.
"But what Vaan!" said Ashe crossing her arms, she was beginning to loose her temper.
Jamie: Best be tightening that back up then.
"Well like I said it ain't gonna bother us
All: WHAT??
Katy: When, in the entire game, does Vaan say 'ain't'?
Rowen: DUH. NEVER.
getting to Archades, but, it does seem to be talking about this room." He stabbed a finger
Trowa: I think he's just really getting ahead of himself, he might
NEED that finger later.
at the map.
"You mean the room we couldn't find an entrance too?" said Balthier from behind Ashe.
Balthier: OBJECTION!
Jamie: Balthier, this is not Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney.
Balthier: But this material is entirely objectionable!
Ashe jumped; she turned her head to look at Balthier then huffed.
Jamie: She huffed and puffed and blew the house down!
"Exactly," said Vaan, "I believe it's over there."
Vaan pointed towards an island that was surrounded by waterfalls denying anyone access.
"But Vaan how are we to get there, we can't get past those waterfalls," said Penelo.
Jamie: Swim?
Trowa: Apparently, her question was more of a statement.
"I know, but, going by this sign and how the waterfalls change depending on what path we take and how we enter this room, I think there is some sort of sequence of exiting and re-entering this room that allows us access over there."
"You mean like a puzzle."
Balthier: What?
Rowen: Was that Vaan? Because he would NEVER figure that out.
"Exactly Penelo, and my guess is whoever built this place went to a lot of trouble to keep people away from that room
All: NO SHIT, SHERLOCK.
, there must be some major cool treasure there."
"Treasure, you say" said Balthier with a quirk of his
Katy: DON’T even go there… *eyes Rowen*
Rowen: *snaps mouth shut*
eyebrow.
Jamie: You *would* say that.
Balthier: I'll allow it.
"Treasure!" said Ashe flinging her arms to her sides and clenching her fists. "Vaan may I remind you just how long and difficult it was to find an exit to this room because of those blasted waterfalls and now you want to go back and look for some stupid treasure!"
Jamie: Can you "fling" your arms to your sides?
Balthier: Sure you can.
Katy: If you actually try to do this, it’s really awkward.
All: *try to fling their arms to their sides*
Jamie: Would you though?
Trowa: No.
Balthier: Well, it *is* Ashe. She's usually flinging something around, be it insults or self-righteous accusations against my character.
Rowen: I think you have mistaken this fic for something that is, as we like to say, “in-character”.
Vaan was taken aback by what Ashe had said, and looked like a
Katy: Swedish made penis enlarger.
Trowa: Brazilian male stripper.
Rowen: Retard.
Katy: Yeah, you win.
lost puppy.
Jamie: Awww, poor Vaan.
"But Lady Ashe, if you remember the last treasure hunts we went on we found loads of useful stuff, we'd never have got this far with out it. And like Vaan said if someone has gone to all this trouble of hiding it, it must be something good," said Penelo.
Balthier: Oh, Penny.
Jamie: Just think that it's not really her. Maybe she's a Cylon copy.
Balthier: No, Jamie. No. You are not working Battlestar Galactica into this.
Jamie: I'd rather be watching that than reading this.
Balthier: Pen is not a Cylon, so just stop right now.
"Yeah that's exactly my point, it's just gotta be something good. Also we know where the exit is now, getting out of this room will be a doddle.
All: A WHAT??
Plus if we didn't go on treasure hunts you wouldn't have that fancy new sword of yours would you now," said Vaan putting his hands on his hips and raising an eyebrow in a poor imitation of Balthier.
Trowa: This fic is a poor imitation of Balthier.
Rowen: Your MOM is a poor imitation of Balthier.
Balthier: Note to self - incorporate 'doddle' into every conversation from here on out.
Jamie: I don't even know what they meant to say. Getting out of this room will be a...?
Balthier: A bother?
Jamie: A nuisance?
Katy: A bore?
Trowa: A chore?
Rowen: A gore?
Katy and Trowa: ……
Rowen: Yeah, that was weak, I’ll admit it.
Balthier: A pain in the ass?
Jamie: But no. It's going to be a doddle!
Katy: Do you think maybe they meant dawdle?
Ashe's hand rested lightly on her sword hilt as she looked down on the blade.
Balthier narrowed his eyes at Vaan for a brief second then focused his attention on Ashe. "Besides if the boy wants to be a sky pirate he has to get used to hunting for treasure. He needs all the
Rowen: SEXUAL.
practice he can get." Said the older pirate with a flamboyant gesture of his hands.
Balthier: OLDER?!
Jamie: Older than Vaan, at least.
Trowa: At least they got the flamboyant part right.
Balthier: Fine. And would you really use flamboyant to describe me? That's a little...
Jamie: Do you see the way you're dressed?
Katy: Like a man-whore?
Balthier: I prefer the term metrosexual. Just because a man can groom himself and buy well-tailored clothes does not make him gay. Don't you watch Barney on How I Met Your Mother?
Katy: Gratuious modern television insertion.
Jamie: I could find about 50 Basch/Balthier, Vayne/Balthier, Gabranth/Balthier, Vaan/Balthier stories that might change your tune.
Balthier: I don't even want to know.
Balthier looked out of the corner of his eyes to see if Vaan would imitate this gesture. The boy was obviously thinking about doing such a thing, but reluctantly he decided not to.
Ashe sighed "fine we'll go on this stupid treasure hunt then."
"Great," said Vaan picking up the map and stuffing the fragile piece of paper
Trowa: In his pants.
Rowen: In his a–
Katy: ROWEN.
in his pocket. "We'll go in pairs that way we'll cover more ground." He pulled Penelo up from where she was sitting and the pair ran off before any one could speak.
Balthier: Clearly Vaan has not learned the fine art of handing a precious artifact to someone who might know how to care for it.
Jamie: But now they're off. I wonder if this splitting up will lead to sex?
Balthier: Gee, I wonder.
Trowa: I don’t.
Rowen: I wish I did.
Ashe sighed yet again, she turned round only to see that
Katy: The author had been impaled on a stick.
Fran and Basch had all ready paired off and were walking off in a northward direction.
Trowa: How does she know if Vaan has the only map stuck in his–
Rowen: Pants!
Just great thought Ashe I'm stuck with Balthier.
Balthier: That is just offensive.
Balthier crossed his arms and rose and
Katy: Cried?
Rowen: Danced?
eyebrow at his business partner and Ashe's protector strolling off together, "I do believe your knight has stolen my companion."
Ashe shot him a look of daggers
Trowa: LITERALLY, a look of daggers.
Rowen: [Floaty voice] At Pier 1, get the hottest new look- the look of daggers!
Katy: [Floaty voice] Comes in a wide range of colors.
Trowa: [Floaty voice] Not available at all locations.
then stomped off, Balthier chuckled and followed the princess appreciating the sway of her hips and that little pink skirt as she went on ahead of him.
Balthier: I actually can't complain about that last sentence. Ashe has a great...
Jamie: Why don't you just stop right there, alright?
Ashe was walking along a corridor in the Mirror of the Soul when Balthier caught up with her and was walking by her side.
Balthier: The Mirror of the Soul...sounds like a Moody Blues song.
Rowen: [singing] Knights in White Satin!
Jamie: And if this isn't bad enough, we get actual in-game place names.
Katy: Obviously, the author consulted a walk-through.
Trowa: Since it appears she never actually played the game herself.
Rowen: Not enough to get correct personalities, of course.
"So any idea on how you want to do this?" asked Balthier.
"Do what?"
Rowen: [As Balthier] The sex, bitch.
Katy: [As Balthier] Doggie-style alright with you? Excellent.
"Figure out this puzzle of Vaan's"
"I have no idea; just take random routes I guess."
"Well in that case princess let me be our lead, I feel lady luck
Katy: [As Yuna] Dammit, I knew this dressphere would screw me over.
is on my side."
"If you insist."
Jamie: Gosh, Balthier. You and Ashe are like a regular Tracy and Hepburn here.
Balthier: Luck be a lady, tonight, I suppose.
"Oh but I do princess," he jogged on ahead and looked over his shoulder "com' on princess keep up; don't want the others beating us to the treasure."
Balthier: Com' on?
Jamie: Well you know pirates these days. C'mon is hard to follow - com' on is more obvious.
Ashe huffed and chased after the sky pirate.
Jamie: She's huffing again.
Trowa: Damn drug addicts.
Balthier: I knew she should have brought her inhaler.
When Ashe caught up with Balthier they were in the Falls of Time again.
Jamie: These place names mean nothing to me!
Balthier: And I thought we were in the Mirror of the Soul?
Jamie: At least the Sochen Cave Palace has nice foreboding music. Speaking of, do they pipe that in through speakers when you're in there?
Balthier: What?
Jamie: The music. You know, when you're in a dungeon fighting nasty beasts.
Balthier: Maybe *you're* the Cylon, Jamie…
"I hope this hunt doesn't take long," said the Princess.
Katy: [as Mario] How the hell did you get here?
Balthier smirked "now where would the fun be if it was all over in a matter of moments."
Trowa: If it isn’t going to be anyway.
All: OUCH.
"Fun?"
"Why of course princess, finding where the treasure could be, how to get to the treasure, hoping that you haven't followed any false trails. Believe me I could tell you a story or two princess."
Rowen: She didn’t ask for any princesses, did she?
Katy: He offered her two, I’d take them.
Trowa: [as Bowser] Me too.
"Have you and Fran ever followed any false trails?"
"Meh, once… twice."
Ashe gave him a disbelieving stare.
Balthier: As well she should.
"Ok three times and that's it. Though Fran might say it was four times. But personally I don't count the forth
Katy: GO FORTH AND SLAY THE DEMON!
time a complete failure. We made money, just not how we thought we would."
Jamie: Fourth. Fourth. You go forth on a journey and you could be fourth in line. It's not a really tricky distinction you know.
Ashe was just about to ask about the forth time when she heard a commotion; she looked over and saw Vaan had walked into a waterfall. "eeeeerrrrrgggghhhhh" Cried the boy, as Penelo managed to pull him back before the water pressure pushed him off the edge.
Balthier: Eeeeeeergggghhhhhhh!
Katy: Aaaarrrrgggg!!
Rowen: Aaaiiieeeeeee!
Trowa: Uurraaaaaahhh!!
Jamie: DODDLE! DODDLE! DODDLE!
Balthier burst out laughing, "Vaan that's not how you do it, unless you wish to look like a drowned rat."
Trowa: He sort of already does.
"We would have been in that room if the waterfall hadn't appeared from nowhere," said the boy shaking water from his hair.
"Oh really," said Balthier placing a hand on his hips.
Jamie: I bet you look really sexy when you do that.
Balthier: Yeah, I do. Placing a hand is much sexier than flinging your hand, naturally.
"Yeah, really."
"Well in that case then Vaan; let's make things more sporting shall we. Let's say the first to reach the room gets to keep the treasure, sound fair to you?"
"You're on Balthier, there's no way you're gonna beat me and Penelo."
"I wouldn't be so sure on that Vaan, by the looks of things you and Penelo are going to have back track, where as my route is clear," Balthier grinned wickedly, then grabbed Ashe's wrist and ran out of the Falls of Time dragging the princess with him.
Jamie: Because Ashe would allow that sort of treatment.
Balthier: Oh, but of course. Because she bows to my every whim.
Jamie: Anybody have a sense of what the hell is going on here?
Rowen: Look, all I know is that the porn is coming.
Katy: Oh, bad pun…
Trowa: [drumroll] BADUM-CHA!
They ran along the murky warren like corridors of Destiny's March
Rowen: Well WERE they the corridors or were they just LIKE the corridors?
before Balthier took a turning that lead them back into the Falls of Time again, it seemed lady luck
Trowa: [as Rikku] GOD DAMMIT.
really was on Balthier's side as they had not once been hindered by a barricading waterfall.
"Hey Balthier," cried Vaan.
Balthier looked over only to see the blonde boy and his companion at the over side of the room on what seemed to be the same route as him.
Jamie: WHERE ARE THEY!?
"I'm catching you up Balthier, I'm on your tail and it won't be long before I over take you, we'll see who gets to the treasure first."
Jamie: I read a Balthier/Vaan story that started out that way...
Katy: Can I ask why you were even reading that?
Balthier: Just...no.
"Bah!" said Balthier disregarding the boy's threat of beating him to the treasure.
"Hey Fran," shouted Vaan.
Balthier: Hey ya.
Jamie: Hey yaaaaa *clap clap clap*
Balthier: Lend me some sugar, I *am* your neighbor!
Balthier looked behind him only to see Basch and Fran at the far side of the room quietly talking not taking a blind bit of notice of the others.
Trowa: Aren’t they supposed to be finding this “treasure”?
Katy: Maybe they are plotting how to get out of this fic.
Vaan cupped his mouth with his hands and called again this time louder "FRAN!" The tall viera's ear twitched, she looked over only to see the young boy stupidly grinning at her holding his thumbs up. The movement had been subtle and quick but the pair had quickly parted,
Rowen: WHAT?
but Ashe and Balthier had all ready noticed the knight and female warrior had been holding hands. Basch and Fran held little interest in finding the treasure but they gladly took the opportunity to spend a moment alone together albeit wondering the maze of the Sochen,
Katy: Why did she just write that? That was all IMPLIED by the previous paragraph. It’s just… bad writing.
the pair quickly left the room to avoid the gaze of their four companions.
Jamie: Should I be touched or repulsed by this last paragraph?
Balthier: Fran doesn't hold hands. She cuts to the chase.
Jamie: Basch doesn't strike me as one for PDA either.
Balthier: Nah. Character assassination, plain and simple. Oh, and doddle.
Balthier pouted, "I wish I had someone to hold my hand," he put a hand on his chest and held out the other "would you like to hold my hand princess."
Balthier: Oh please.
Jamie: Must resist urge to laugh at your characterization.
Trowa: *laughing* Why resist?
Balthier: Shut up.
Ashe rolled her eyes. He grinned wickedly, he turned to taunt Vaan yet again, only to notice that Vaan and Penelo had already exited the room. "Damn it!" cursed Balthier, he grabbed the princesses arm and ran out of the room, he wasn't about to let a novice beat him.
Jamie: You're being awfully rough on the Princess.
Rowen: Oh, come on. BAD PUN.
Balthier: Normally that sort of thing would entice me, but here it just smacks of awful writing.
Jamie: Doddle.
Balthier: That's not getting old, is it?
Jamie: Hell no!
Balthier and Ashe re-entered the Falls of Time at the exact same time as Vaan and Penelo. Vaan and Penelo were on the exact same path Balthier and Ashe had been on previous to them re-entering the room. Vaan and Penelo stopped abruptly as a waterfall appeared and barred their way, "Damn it!" cried Vaan.
Balthier: Where in god's name are they?
Jamie: I doubt it's worth turning on my PS2.
Balthier laughed, "Now Vaan, I thought you two were on my tail, looks like you're both going to have to back track again. I'll meet you at the treasure room Vaan, don't be late," said Balthier over his shoulder as he and the princess ran out of the room.
"Do you have to do that?" The princess said.
"Do what?" asked Balthier
Rowen: [as Ashe] ME.
"Tease Vaan, you know he looks up to you."
"It's only a bit of harmless fun Ashe, plus a bit of competition will do the boy good."
"DAMN IT!" cried Vaan in the distance somewhere.
Jamie: That's supposed to be funny right?
Balthier: Only to those who have had lobotomies.
Jamie: Ooooh, harsh.
Katy: Yeah, not really harsh at all.
Balthier chuckled "You know I think he likes those waterfalls."
Balthier run down a corridor dragging the princess with him, they entered the Falls of Time yet again. Balthier stopped suddenly and let go of the princess, she rubbed her wrist where his hand had been.
Jamie: She needs an Ace bandage and some Icy Hot with the way you've been dragging her around.
Balthier: Seriously, I'm a real cad in this one.
"Well well," he said with a smirk, "What have we here."
Ashe looked forward only to see the island they had been trying to reach, with their path completely unbarred by waterfalls. Balthier went on ahead.
"Don't you think we should wait for the others," said Ashe.
Trowa: Said or asked?
"What ever for, the treasure is ours for the taking," he said over his shoulder, while he ran on crossing the path towards the island.
Jamie: Correct me if I'm wrong, but an island is surrounded entirely by water, yes?
Balthier: That's what I learned in school.
Jamie: Then isn't this more of a peninsula? Because there's obviously a walkway to reach it.
Balthier: Maybe it's like the land bridge from Siberia to Alaska in your world. Maybe there are a dozen mini ice ages happening at once, hence the waterfalls blocking said land bridge.
Jamie: We're overthinking.
Rowen: N00bz.
Katy: You will soon find that such thinking is pointless.
Balthier: Yeah, let's just call it an island and leave it at that, shall we?
Ashe caught up with him only to find him examining an ancient door. He pressed something and the door creaked open. Picking up a nearby torch he nodded his head in the direction of the doorway
Trowa: Which he is standing right in front of.
for Ashe to follow then went inside. Ashe entered the dark room which was slowly being illuminated by Balthier lighting old and disused torches. When suddenly the door closed shut behind the pair.
Katy: When suddenly they were surrounded by sentence fragments.
Rowen: *cowering* Oh, the humanity!
Balthier: Who lit the torch then? Did I miss something?
Jamie: Well it seems like you're carrying matches or a lighter.
Balthier: Alright, fair enough.
Jamie: Although there's no excuse for that last sentence fragment.
Balthier spun on his heel, "What did you do?"
Trowa: [as Ashe] Your mom.
"Nothing," Answered Ashe.
"You must have done something."
"I didn't."
Balthier: I'm not very nice to her.
Jamie: I think what we have here is a failure to communicate.
Balthier: I think this is what the author would call "witty banter".
Jamie: More like pulling teeth.
Katy: More like me repeatedly slamming my head against a wall.
Rowen: No kidding.
"Well did you touch anything?"
"No."
Balthier gave her a disbelieving stare.
"I didn't touch anything Balthier, I was just standing here."
Balthier huffed
Balthier: Now *I'm* huffing?
Trowa: Seriously, get these two to rehab.
and walked over to her, he shoved the torch in her hand and started examining the closed door grumbling all the while to himself. Ashe put the torch in a nearby torch bracket that was covered in cobwebs, and then stood besides Balthier.
Balthier crossed his arms over his chest, "looks like the door only opens from the other side."
"What!"
"I said it only opens from the other side."
Balthier: WHAT?
Jamie: It only opens from the other side!
Balthier: COME AGAIN!?
Jamie: THE OTHER SIDE.
Balthier: BEG PARDON?!
Katy: FUCK YOU GUYS.
"I know what you said Balthier, are you sure?"
Trowa: Then why the heck did you ask?!
"Unfortunately, yes."
Balthier walked over to an old stone bench, he dusted it down but gave up and sat down resting his head against the wall.
"What are we to do?" asked Ashe
"Wait for the others to come find us, there is nothing else we can do."
"You expect Vaan to come find us."
Balthier closed his eyes, "Well maybe not Vaan, but Fran and Basch will once they realised what has happened."
Jamie: Once they stop having hot sex.
Rowen: Yeah, no lie.
Balthier: Aaaaah, don't do that!
"I can't just sit here and wait, can't we break the door down."
Balthier opened his eyes and leaned forward, "Ashe that door is made from stone, do you realise just how thick and heavy that thing is.
Balthier: That's what she said.
Jamie: NICE!
We would never be able to break that thing down. All we can do is sit and wait."
Ashe sighed.
"Look Fran will find us, she's got a good nose on her, just trust her."
Balthier tapped the bench for Ashe to sit besides him; she walked over and sat down next to the pirate. Balthier removed the water pouch from his side and took a drink then handed it to Ashe who did the same. She wiped her mouth while handing the pouch back to him, who in turn fastened it to his belt.
Balthier: Thrill as I take a sip of water!
Jamie: Ooh and aah as he passes it to the Princess.
Balthier: Squeal in delight as Ashe enjoys my backwash.
Jamie: Dude!
Katy: *choking*
"I knew this treasure hunt was a bad idea," Ashe complained.
"Speaking of treasure," said Balthier sitting up and scanning the room. Balthier spotted a small chest and walked over to it.
"Isn't it rather small, considering all the effort we went to looking for the thing," said Ashe
"It isn't the size that's important Ashe," Balthier looked up at her and grinned "mind you I don't have to worry about size."
Balthier: Am I making a penis size joke?
Jamie: I believe you did, yes.
Balthier: Ugh, I could do so much better.
Katy: I think you mean bigger.
Trowa: Oh, geez…
Ashe blushed, "Just open it will you."
Balthier opened the chest when his face dropped, "WHAT THE…"
Jamie: Oh my God, your face dropped?!
Balthier: Where did it go? Not my beautiful face!
Rowen: [as Balthier] *feeling around* Where is it?? Where is it??
Ashe sat up, "what is it?"
Balthier pulled the item out of the chest "A FUCKING PEBEL, ALL THAT RUNNING ABOUT FOR A FUCKING PEBEL."
Jamie: I think you mean pebble.
Balthier: Wrong. FUCKING PEBBLE.
Jamie: I stand corrected. You need some anger management classes.
Balthier: More like the author needs some Ritalin.
Katy: Or maybe just a fucking spell-check.
Ashe burst out laughing; Balthier threw the stone across the room and sat next to Ashe in a huff.
Trowa: More drug references.
Rowen: Don’t make me throw a pebel at you.
"Now, now Balthier," said Ashe standing up. She picked up the pebble and carefully put it back in the treasure chest, "One man's rubbish is another man's treasure."
"Ashe it's a pebble, you would be lucky to get two gill for it at the bazaar."
Balthier: Has our currency changed to fish parts?
Jamie: Now you're being mean. My guess is that Word made her change it to gill.
Katy: Are you kidding? There’s no way she spell-checked this thing.
Trowa: I have to agree, her stupidity made her change it to gill.
Balthier: Meh.
Rowen: [to Trowa] Trade you four gill for 2 fins?
Trowa: Deal!
"That's not the point Balthier, it obviously meant a lot to someone to hide it so well, you shouldn't hold it in such disregard," she said closing the lid of the treasure chest.
She sat next to Balthier, "I do believe that it's now five times you've followed a false trail now, pirate," she said coyly.
"Five. Correction princess I'll think you'll find it's four."
Balthier: For?
Jamie: No, no. She got it right this time.
"Fran would count it at five," she said smiling.
Balthier laughed, "She's probably right to count it at five."
Ashe looked at the door, "where are the others, they should have been here by now, we've been in here ages."
Balthier: I like candy, that animal is a gopher, my favorite food is waffles.
Jamie: What?
Balthier: Three distinct, separate sentences with commas where periods should go.
Jamie: Can I try?
Balthier: Go for it!
Jamie: My name is Jamie, I like to yodel, don't touch my pants!
Katy: YOU ARE OVERTHINKING AGAIN.
Rowen: N00BZ!
"I doubt it's been that long princess, just seems like it has, what with having no track of time."
Trowa: What with the author having no brain.
Katy: *straining against restraints* I can tell the porn is on its way…
"Then in that case we're going to be in here for ever."
"I doubt it will be for ever, just seems like it will be. We will just have to find something to pass the time with."
Balthier: For ever?
Jamie: For sure.
Balthier: For shame.
Trowa: For fuck’s sake.
"Like what?"
Balthier fiddle with one of his pouches then pulled out two dice, "ever play dice princess," he said grinning.
Balthier: Why did I say that? I think that was an interrogative sentence.
Trowa: Is dice princess a new game?
Katy: Can we play?
Jamie: It was. It should be Balthier asked, Balthier inquired, etc.
Balthier: I want to cry. Will someone hold me?
"Of course I have, I spent two years in the resistance, there were times when there wasn't much else to do apart from play dice or cards."
"Well then, how about a game or two, I'm feeling lucky."
"Lucky, would this be the same luck that got us trapped in here."
Jamie: And Ashe throws out a zinger!
Balthier: Well played, Princess.
Trowa: [as Paine] If you guys don’t stop talking about us…
Katy: [as Yuna] This will be the longest running gag of any MST we’ve ever done!
Rowen: No, no. You forgot the swards.
Katy, Trowa and Rowen: SWARDS!! *make slashing motions*
"Now be fair princess, you have to admit we have been rather lucky, we didn't get bothered by a waterfall once, and we did find this room first."
"True, yes we weren't hindered by waterfalls and we did get her first, but we're also trapped and all we found was a pebble."
"Look do you want to play or not?"
"Fine, I suppose there is nothing else to do. What are we playing?"
"Highest wins."
Jamie: They should use the big giant dice from The Price is Right.
Balthier: What game is that from?
Jamie: Isn't that the one where you guess the price of the car?
Balthier: I thought that was Higher or Lower. And Bob uses cards for that one.
Jamie: Oh. Well it's all about Plinko anyway.
Balthier: Naturally.
"Ok, but no cheating pirate."
Trowa: [as Cheating Pirate] Dangit, I wanted to play.
"Would I cheat," said Balthier with a look of wide eyed innocence.
Luck really was on Balthier's side; Ashe was astonished at how he managed to win ten times in a row where she had only won once. After the fifteenth win Ashe snatched the dice out of his hand and began examining them, he laughed.
"I'll think you'll find they're not weighted princess."
Rowen: [as Weighted Princess] My parents were cruel.
When she had finished